What to do when your child tells you that he/she was sexually abused?
Research says that every 3 out of 5 children are sexually abused or molested before they reach the age of 18!
So what part can you play to try and protect your little ones from being sexually abused by sexual predators? How can you create awareness in them about good touch and bad touch? What should they do if they face a similar situation?
I have covered these questions and more in the first part of Good Touch Bad Touch. If you haven’t read it yet, I urge you to read part 1 before continuing to read this article.
Part 1 is mainly about talking with your little one to create awareness of bad touch. I have covered when to talk, how to talk, and what to say in part 1.
In this part, we will deal with how to react and what to do if your child claims to have been a victim of bad touch.
So, how will you react if your child tells you that he/she was sexually abused?
There are few things you need to do:
Believe Them
Most of the time parents’ first reaction is to think that their child is too young to know what they are talking about. But research says that more than 95% of the time, children are not making it up.
I agree it’s hard to believe that our child has been a victim of sexual abuse because we are not ready to accept that our child who we have been so protective of has gone through a traumatic ordeal.
But please do believe them and don’t brush it off lightly.
Stay Calm
Remember that it is not easy for the child to approach you with this news because they believe that it is their fault they were abused. They are afraid you may punish him/her.
I advise you not to react strongly to this news. Stay calm and sit them down with you.
Comfort Them
Give your child a warm, tight, and reassuring hug to let them know you are not upset with him/her. I think you’ll be needing that hug, too.
Get all the Facts
In a casual and calm tone, ask them to tell you the whole thing. Remember, not to get upset or angry because that will only discourage your child and he/she may refuse to talk further.
Try to find out who was the perpetrator, what they did, and when they did it. Let them tell you where and how they were touched. Don’t ask leading questions like ‘did he touch you here?’ Don’t press them or cross-examine them.
Reassure Them
Thank them for trusting you and telling you everything. Tell them that they are very brave. Don’t forget to say ‘I love you’. They need to be assured that you love them no matter what.
Reassure them they are not to blame in any way for what happened to them. Only the perpetrator is at fault.
Remember you and your family too are not to blame for this incident. It is only the sexual offender to blame for what has happened to your child.
Convince them that they are safe now and that the bad person will not hurt them anymore. It’s very important to re-establish the feeling of safety in the child.
Support Them
Let your child know that you believe them. Convince them of your love and your unconditional support.
Take Action
Take necessary action against the person who has sexually abused your child. Make him accountable for his actions.
If need be, inform the authorities. It is your responsibility as a parent that the perpetrator is removed from your child’s life. Even if the person is a servant, a friend, or a family member.
By not taking any action against the person, you are putting your child in danger of being abused again. Your child may never trust you again to protect him/her.
You are also not setting a good example for your child by keeping quiet.
Get Help
Talk to a trusted friend or relative to release your outrage (never within your child’s earshot) over the incident.
Look out for any indications that your child is still not over the incident.
I would encourage you to get professional counseling for the child and family members (including you) to help you deal with this traumatic experience.
CONCLUSION
To sum up from part 1 & 2, we must keep the following in mind:
- We must create awareness in our children of what is good touch and bad touch.
- Awareness should be created as early as possible (preferably from 4 yrs onwards).
- We should repeat the exercise every six months.
- If the child approaches you with the news that he/she has been sexually abused, you need to believe them and handle it calmly.
- Comfort the child and ask him/her to tell you all about it.
- Don’t forget to reassure the child of your love and thank them for trusting you with this information.
- Convince them that they are in no way to blame for what has happened.
- Be sure to let them know that you will not let the perpetrator harm them anymore.
- Preferably, get counseling for the child and the family to overcome this incident.
As parents, we need to be always alert about the people in our children’s lives and notice if our children start behaving differently.
“We owe our children, the most vulnerable citizens in our society, a life free of violence and fear.” – Nelson Mandela
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This is so important for everyone to read and know. Such a great article. Thank you for helping to increase awareness about the importance of this issue and how to respond to children when they do tell you.
I totally agree with you. Every parent must create awareness in themselves and their children.
I go through this training yearly and one thing that stands out to me is to just listen and provide comfort, while training to gather as many details and specifics as possible. Excellent post.
You are right. Listening is also very effective. Thanks for sharing.
As hard as it is to imagine I think it’s really important to know how to deal with such situations. Having young children I hope I never have to deal with this situation but it’s also important to know how.
Yes, its very important for parents to be aware of this. Many parents avoid it as they are scared to face these situations. But that doesn’t necessarily protect your child.
This is so important. Everyone, child or adult should know what a good touch and bad touch is
Agreed. Adults, too, should be aware.
This is such an important topic and has been a fear of mine for many years. We made sure to use appropriate words from the time they were little so they wouldn’t be afraid to talk about this sort of thing.
Yes, its one of the biggest fear every parent has. I am glad you were taking appropriate steps to make your child comfortable to talk about anything. Good parenting👍😊
As an elementary teacher, I dread this training this year, but know who important it is to be aware on on the lookout for students who need help. Thank you for arming parents with information on how to help their child as well.
If only all teachers were as vigilant as you. Thanks for caring. I pray all students have teachers like you to look out for them.
This is very important for parents to read and go over with their children. Thank you for the great article. I look forward to reading more raising teen tips as there seem to be fewer blogs focused on older kids.
Thanks for your words of encouragement.
This is such an important topic to discuss with our children. Every child needs to feel safe and heard. I also like that you added Nelson’s quote. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you, Christine.
This is a really important topic to talk about – the more we de-mystify things, the more children and parents can find the help they need. One thing that I read years ago and have done with my children is to always teach them the correct names for their body parts. It helps them not think that some parts can’t be talked about, but also if, heaven forbid, something did happen, then they would be more able to say exactly where they were touched or what happened.
Oh yes, always teach the correct names of body parts to your children. If you can talk comfortably about them, the children, too, will.
This is really helpful. Im glad I stumbled upon your blog
Thank you, Alita
Very critical information. Thank you for sharing . I pray for that never happens but good to know if God forbid .
This is such an important topic. Thank you for tackling it and reminding us that as parents, we must stay diligent.
It’s so important to raise awareness about this issue. Thank you for this post.
The stats sound terrifying, and the issue of good touch and bad touch definitely deserves more attention. You provide very clear guidance and valuable advice as to how parents should create awareness in children. Thank you for addressing this issue and spreading awareness
I wish I had found you last year. My family went through the unspeakable with our daughter. These are the exact tips our therapists suggested to us too. Kids need you to believe them no matter what you may think. It truly does affect them more than you would ever guess. Pretty sure that little tip got our daughter through her situation.
Oh, the little darling. I hope she is recovering from the incident and will soon put it behind her. I am glad you consulted a therapist to help you all with it. Bless you all!
Thank you for raising awareness and these are great steps to follow. It’s important that we do stay calm and that we, as parents, are there to make sure that they are safe.
Maureen | http://www.littlemisscasual.com
Beautifully said!!
This is an issue that needs more attention brought to it. Thank you for doing that!