7 USEFUL TIPS TO A HAPPY ARRANGED MARRIAGE

Ever wonder whether one can be happy in an arranged marriage? Yes, you can be. I will share 7 useful tips to a happy arranged marriage.

 

It’s said that “Bhagwan jodiyaan upar se banake bhejte hain”. If that’s true,  then He must have been in a humorous mood when He paired hubby and me together. You see, ours is an arranged marriage. 

During our engagement period, we met mainly on weekends. And we both were on our best behaviors,  so there were fewer arguments. It is after marriage when you live 24/7 with a person do you really get to know them. 

Opposites Attract

We were the perfect examples of opposites.  He is a morning person and I am a night person.  He loves summers and I enjoy winters. I prefer going out on weekends,  he wants to stay home. I wanted a romantic life partner and yes you guessed it, he is the most unromantic human on earth! We agreed on very few things.

Being poles apart by our thoughts and likes & dislikes led to us fighting like cats & dogs.  I started doubting whether our marriage would even last 5 yrs. He probably thought the same, too. Luckily, my boss’s wife visited our office one day. We got to talking about marriage and how much she & my boss were compatible. At the time, they had been married for 7 years.

Advice Pays Off

She told me something that has really helped me. And that is in every marriage, the first 3 years are spent getting to know each other. It is rocky in the beginning as both are from different lifestyles,  different thought processes, and different ways of living. Yes, there will be lots of fights and arguments. You have to give it time. 

I am so glad I listened to her. I have been happily married for more than 20 years now. And even though we are still poles apart,  we have learned to respect each other’s individuality. I am so glad I didn’t give up so easily because he is the best life partner a woman can wish for. He motivates and pushes me to fulfill my dreams. He is my best friend and I know he’s got my back always. Even when I was going through emotional turmoil during my infertility treatment (read PCOS To Pregnancy), he encouraged me to be positive and strong. 

Here are 7 useful tips to a happy arranged marriage that really worked for me.

Acceptance of each other 

Accept the fact that you and your spouse are different individuals with different likes & dislikes. Accept each other as you are. Neither of you needs to change your preferences for the other. If you do,  you may end up resenting each other in the future. Of course, in many instances, it’s good to adjust a little and meet each other midway.

Hubby and my fights became less and less as we started accepting each other as we were. In fact,  we started teasing each other about it. Believe me,  this did not happen overnight.  It took more than those first 3 years that my boss’s wife spoke about. 

Listen to each other 

And I mean really listen. When one is talking, the other should only listen and not try to add their thoughts too. Don’t negate their words or feelings. 

When I started to actually listen to my hubby without any judgment,  he started being comfortable around me. We became best friends who could tell each other anything. Even about each other!

Communicate with each other 

Create a safe place where you can say what you think without being judged. Also, don’t expect that your partner will understand without you having to say anything. 

Clear Misunderstandings Immediately

It is imperative that all misunderstandings are cleared immediately. Even if it is the smallest of things. Because even these small misunderstandings may slowly build up to bigger ones. 

Egoes in marriage is the worst thing you can allow between both of you. Never let “Why should I?” win. Or you lose.

Empathize 

The best way to understand your partner is to put yourself in his/her shoes. This step will help you to understand his/her actions and maybe even realize how your actions were perceived.  This helps in avoiding misunderstandings.

Give space to each other 

Sparing time apart is extremely healthy and keeps freshness in your relationship. This will encourage you both to maintain your own sense of identity while still being a couple. It fosters independence and strength rather than neediness and clinginess in your marriage. 

So it’s ok to have a night out with your friends alone once in a while.  Or enjoy activities/hobbies without each other. It’s important for every person to have some “me-time” daily.  You can do this sitting next to each other performing, too.

Trust each other

Trust is the foundation of every marriage. This can be achieved mainly by always being honest with each other. The number one rule in my marriage is never to lie or manipulate one another.  Would you like it if your partner lied or manipulated you? 

Sometimes relatives or friends try to create friction between us. But,  luckily,  they have always failed because hubby and I clarify with each other. And because we know that we don’t lie to each other,  it becomes easy to trust what the other says. 

Rules to a happy marriage

• Encourage each other. Be each other’s personal cheerleaders
• Never break your promise to each other
• Don’t live with expectations. It brings unhappiness in your relationship
• Don’t bring up past mistakes in present arguments
• Show appreciation even for the smallest of things
• Don’t take each other for granted
• Every once in a while express your feelings for each other

“A happy marriage doesn’t mean you have the perfect spouse or a perfect marriage. It simply means you’ve chosen to look beyond the imperfections in both.” -Fawn Weaver